Blended families are very common, and while being a stepparent can be a rewarding experience,
it can also be an enormous challenge. While some of the pieces involved in creating a functional
family unit is beyond your control, there are lots of things you can do to make the integration
process smoother and easier for everyone
1. Take it slowly
All kids need
time to adjust to change and
they may not even be conscious
of their reactions. Give children
time to get used to you and the
new family dynamic. And, if the
children have another involved
parent from the previous
relationship, don’t overstep and
force your views and role as
the new parent in a way that
threatens the other parents’ role.
2. Create house rules with
your partner.
When you work
together rules will come from
you and your spouse’s united
front.
3. Be consistent.
Children are
less likely to see you as a threat if they know they can trust
you. Being consistent in your
behavior (toward them and
otherwise) is a great way to
build trust.
4. Meet kids where they are.
How old children are when
you become their stepparent
can dramatically impact how
easy or challenging the family
integration will be. It’s critical to
first understand what each child
needs based on their individual
development, and then go
from there. Teens are entirely
different than toddlers.
5. Find common ground.
Get to know the child and, if possible,
pick something you both like to do (like cooking, sports, or
art) as one way to gently insert
yourself into their life as a friend.
6. Boundaries! Set boundaries
early and hold to them.
Kids will test their limits, but stay
consistent. For example, if your
home office is off-limits, let kids
know and stick to it.
This is by no means an
exhaustive list of tips, and it’s a
very good idea to seek the help
of a therapist who specializes
in blended families. Whether
you go solo to therapy or as a
couple, you’ll likely gain valuable
insights, and your partner won’t
be the only receptacle for your
frustrations
