Let’s face it: we have all experienced regret in life. Perhaps you behaved badly as a teenager and have carried that guilt with you into adulthood, or maybe you feel shame about how a relationship ended. Either way, guilt is an emotion that can take up a lot of space. While it is a normal response that enables you to think about how not to make the same mistake again, it can also help you reflect on what you can do to repair any damage you’ve caused. Letting guilt fester can be an unnecessary emotional burden, though, so it’s best to work through the issue and move into the present.
Here are some top tips to deal with your guilt and move on:
- Write it down: take a moment to write down exactly what you feel guilty about.
- Allow yourself to feel the emotions that might arise, like shame, embarrassment, frustration, and guilt.
- Think about the real source of your emotions: is the source of the guilt something that you may be responsible for, or are you feeling shame because you survived a trauma? This part of the exercise will give you a sense of strength because it helps you to get clear on what is something you need to own, and what isn’t.
- Once you’re clear on the source of guilt, think about some possible solutions. For example, if you are a survivor, there is nothing to put right, but you may benefit from talking with a professional to resolve any shame you might have. If your guilt is something you can take responsibility for —like treating someone badly — then make a note of how you could help make things right.
- Make amends. From the list of guilts you are responsible for, make a plan to make amends, whether that’s apologizing or committing never to do something again if it is not possible to repair that particular relationship. If your guilt is about an event that harmed you, decide what can you do to heal and make amends to yourself for carrying guilt about something that wasn’t your fault.
